Now comes the mystery
by Burn.ward
Summary: Set after highschool; follows Santana trying to move on. No set time line, meaning it will jump around. May be just a one shot, though i might continue it. associated with other story Searching- well kind of.
1. Chapter 1

My hands shake as I reach for the ticket. I don't know what I'm doing here; I don't know why I'm so nervous. My stomach in a knot, it turns as I walk through the doors. The lobby is all black and new, there is no other word for it. Footsteps echo, dulled only by the murmur of the crowd. My skin tinged with this heat that comes from racing thoughts of you. You're here, hidden somewhere in this building.

Strange eyes wander, searching and questioning as I walk. Why am I here? What's going to happen? Will you smile? Will I still feel the same? Will you? The crowd moves in excitement, the music calling us to our seats. I didn't really care where I sat… I just need to see you. I just need to know that it was the right choice.

I feel like I'm walking along a wire, perched high above a sea of people watching each step. Waiting for me to fall, for a scream to leave my throat. Waiting for a practiced bow and cold smile. The stage is dark, the curtain black as a starless night. If I closed my eyes I could picture you running around bare foot and nervous. You'll bite your finger nails as you quietly go through each step and mark in your head.

Some middle aged man clumsily stands as I move to my seat. 4th row seat 8. He tries to casually keep his toupee on his head as he nods hello. Yeah right old man... you don't even look rich. The crowd quiets as the music begins to fade and the lights dim. My body tenses and I want to run but I can't move. What do you look like now? Is your hair long or short? Is it still blonde? Will you recognize me? Will you see me?

The curtain begins it ominous rise as the stage stays dark and quiet. A simple spot light on centre stage as the song begins. My eyes search for your name in the program, desperate to stop this pounding heart beating in my chest. You enter from stage right leading a group of girls to the centre. In an instant the world stops and we're alone. Your voice rises and falls as you begin to dance. This quiet place filled only with the sound of your voice; the air thick and hot, it moves in waves caused by a flick of your hand.

You're dressed in a simple black dress, flowers braided into your hair. You've worn that dress before... or one similar to it. And I am brought down to my knees by a simple glance; by the thought you were everything once. That I once upon a time danced next to you. That I once sang with you…loved you. And I am reminded once more of what it was like to know you.

Of everything we did, of every memory... I will never forget that day. I will never forget that moment when words failed me. When everything stopped... and everything fell apart. I feel it now, this tightness in my chest as I fight to breathe. The rushing of blood, pounding in my ears; how I felt everything and absolutely nothing at the same time. The hate. The anger. The suffocating pain in my chest. This dull ache of fear, and the most confusing part was- is that I thought of you. I thought of you when I started running, I thought of you when I first saw it. I thought of you. I thought of how I could feel you under my skin, how I could feel you coursing in my veins. I could feel how much I love- loved you.

My feet gave out and I clung to the closest thing that would keep me from falling... it's fitting that I was there. By our lockers. You had English right across from them... I could feel you in the air. I could almost hear the silent click of the door opening. My legs were trembling and weak. You caught me before I could fall; you caught me and held me.

_"Santana."_

I don't know how you knew; I never cared enough to think about it... but you knew. You only said my name; your voice didn't break or even waiver. You just quietly said my name like you always did. I will always remember that... I will always remember how warm and strong your arms felt around me. I will always remember that it was the only feeling I ever associated home with. I will always remember the muted feel of your heart beat against my fingertips. The whispered breathe in my hair, the heat of your lips on my temple. I will always remember the cold numbness that began to seep in. I will always remember how your fingers kind of shook when you fixed my bangs. I can feel those words heavy on my tongue even now, caught jagged and sore in my throat.

_"I'm sorry..." _

I will always remember how your eyes shone like moonlight dancing on clear blue water. That- that the smile always in the corner of your mouth fell... and how I wanted to promise you the world when all I could give was me. I remember the searing heat, bubbling in my stomach, of your kiss. Just the simple pressing of two sets of lips together... how perfectly heart breaking it was. I was so scared to move; so we didn't.

_"I love you."_

I will never forget the warmth of your tears, or how scared you sounded. You were never scared; but in that moment you were.

_"Like never before."_

You're older now; there is no real change in the way you look. It's just there; it's the perfect way you move. It's in your voice... you've grown up. Without me. The song ends with the last note left to linger in the silence of the theatre. You stand posed with some guy; his hand on your hip the other intertwined with yours. The single spot light disappears and I have lost you amidst the dark stage once more.

The old man winks as I stand, his hand daring on my lower back as I pass him. I can feel their eyes passing over me as I walk out with abated breath and the heated sting of tears threatening to fall. I still love you.


	2. Chapter 2

_**I've decided to post this chapter next. It's where I want this story and my other one, Searching to end. With that said I hope you like it.**_

_**2019**_

I feel lost, like I'm drifting during the middle of a storm. The push and pull of crashing waves keeping me still, paralyzed almost. I see it, I'm not blind... I can see the pain in their eyes. I can feel it when I touch her, even now as I stand next to her. I love her, I do. She's kind and warm and... I love her.

But then I feel you in the air; surrounding me, calling me. It crackles with this heated electricity that I only ever feel when you're around. That twinge in my stomach like you're literally pulling me to you. She pulls me closer, in this almost pleading way. Her eyes spark, unrelenting in her question of love and want.

So I fight you; I haven't even seen you yet and I fight with every ounce of strength I have. Because this isn't fair... we were so young Brittany. Your eyes find me, they hold me captive and paralyzed. You stand in a small group of friends, a champagne flute held gracefully in your hands. It's an old game of truth and dare that neither of us has ever won.

"Come on I'll introduce you to our new guitarist." she leans in casually, her voice cool and collected. It tears me away; it makes me look into her eyes that seep in this sadness and anger. "I think you might like him."

She squeezes my hand possessively, and I look back to you. I never meant to hurt either of you... you stare unblinkingly at our clasped hands. Your eyes like dark pools of water, and there is no air to breathe. There is only this dull ache that refuses to go away.

The night passes like usual; the soft roar of conversation backed by the quiet music playing. Endless faces and drinks passed around and all I can think of is you. All I feel is this pull, all I hear are these voices screaming in my head. They scream for you and they scream for her. I can feel you pulling me closer, and I can feel her holding me even tighter.

"Are you ok?" she whispers it in my ear, her breathe hot and familiar.

"Yeah... I think I might go say hi to Steph. See how she liked London." you're closer. A faint smirk plays across her lips as she kisses my hand. Green eyes that are constantly searching fall as she gives a sad nod.

She lets my fingers slide from her grasp as I walk away. Moving through the crowd and I feel 16 again. Like I'm still fighting a crowd of drunken footballers to get to you. Why do I feel like this? Why do I want you? We had our chance... and still your eyes are the ones I seek. Your touch the one I crave. I love her I do, I just can't explain this.

"Santana." oh fuck me; Rachel berry of course. "There you are, god this place is packed."

She walks elegantly towards me, reaching for two glasses as a waiter passes by. Thank you Rachel berry and your endless support of my drinking habit.

"yes." she stops with that puzzled face; there is no other way to describe it, when I down both. "I needed that."

"That bad?"

"No it's going incredibly well actually." she smirks as she nods to someone behind me. I really hate these things. "Distract me, now Thumbelina."

"Folklore, that's new."

"Shut up and tell me the gossip, please."

"There is none to report. The only buzz going around you already know. I mean it does involve you and I honestly am not that fond for our constant-"

"What are you talking about? What buzz about me?"

"Well just that you were thinking about auditioning for a new play. That your significant other may or may not be taking to the stage again; like maybe next week. The usual stuff, nothing you don't know." "Where is she by the way? I never thought she would leave your side with Brittany here."

It's a whispered voice in my ear; this pull in the pit of my stomach when I see you. Standing alone by the small bar, watching with those daring eyes. The room fades, the world stops and I know. I know Brittany... that this will never go away.

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_

Her voice low and angry; It breaks you, us... Me. You turn first as the crowd pauses with abated breathe. She stands at the mike, and her gaze burns with an angry pleading. The new guitar player climbs up without question, he just slings his guitar over his shoulder softly playing the beginning of the song. She hesitates for a second before she reaches for the microphone once again. You glance back once more before turning to look at her. She stands centre stage, tall and strong, with this sad pleading look in her eyes.

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene. _

_I'm begging of you please don't take my man_

It's sung quietly, simply put forward like something she has said every day.

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_

_Please don't take him just because you can_

The words bitterly spat out like venom, and you glance at me like this is all your fault.

_Your beauty is beyond compare_

She follows your gaze, that sad smirk on her lips as she plays to the crowd.

_With flaming locks of auburn hair_

_With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green_

She stares at me, demanding my attention... Demanding me.

_Your smile is like a breath of spring_

_Your voice is soft like summer rain_

_Her eyes dart to you; and I feel you watching. I feel you want, your guilt... I feel you. _

_And I cannot compete with you, Jolene_

She walks to the edge of the stage; forever the performer. She almost screams out in this quiet way as she sings her side of this story.

_He talks about you in his sleep_

_There's nothing I can do to keep_

_From crying when he calls your name, Jolene_

The sting of tears burning my eyes as the anger and frustration breaks in her voice.

_And I can easily understand_

_How you could easily take my man_

But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene

I want this to stop; my stomach turns and my heart breaks for something I can't control.

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

I'm begging of you please don't take my man

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Please don't take him just because you can

What am I supposed to do? I feel you in me, like you're a part of me. Then she looks at me with those eyes, like she knows all my secrets and scars. She looks at me like she knows me and her voice almost waivers.

_You could have your choice of men_

_But I could never love again_

_He's the only one for me, Jolene_

Those eyes that beg for me, that pleads and screams that I am hers. That asks for me to love her back.

_I had to have this talk with you_

_My happiness depends on you_

_And whatever you decide to do, Jolene_

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_

But I can't ignore this pull, this tie that we have Brittany. I can't ignore the questions in your eyes when I feel like... Like I know the mystery that is us is what we are meant to find.

_I'm begging of you please don't take my man _

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_

_Please don't take him even though you can_

_Jolene, Jolene_

The roar of the crowd surrounds us, and I can't look away. I feel as if I'm being torn apart by the blue of your eyes. I know you didn't want this, that this wasn't how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be yours like you were supposed to be mine. If I could stop this; all of this I would.

"That was amazing; I never knew she could sing like that." Rachel, her voice pulls me back to this world. To the sight if her surrounded by people, a drink in her hand... her eyes blank as she watches us. "Santana? Are you ok?"

"I- yeah; of course." I love her Brittany...

"Are you sure? I mean I understand the over powering emotional tug of war of watching such a breathtaking performance. I mean I'm usually the cause of them, so I might not know exactly what you're going-" thank god for Rachel berry and her ability to piss me off.

"Rachel, shut up."

"Ok then. I wasn't quite done comforting you but I'll stay quiet." the crowd shifts and I lose sight of you for seconds and it hurts to breathe. "Ok that was a lie and I am fully aware that what I'm about to say isn't wanted or necessarily my place but I have to say it."

You're the first to break; to turn away.

"What?"

"As great of a performance that was, and as amazing as I think Greer is... there was only ever one story being told here." She pauses for dramatic effect; Broadway has made her worse, if that's possible.

You walk away and I stumble forward like I have no choice.

"What story is that?" her voice raw and broken; it stops this racing heart.

"Greer. You were amazing up there; I never would have thought that I'd ever get to-"

"What story?" my heart jumps and stops, her voice demanding for time to stop. For an answer. For everything to just stop

"The story of them." Is that what we are? A story? "I know this isn't my place and I really do like you Greer. In fact I think you're very talented and a wonderful friend; but it's always been them. Everyone that has been a part of it has known it since the beginning."

Her eyes glow this brilliant green in the night; they remind me of dark water. Calm, deep and it's the way she looks away that scares me. Her fingers curl tighter around the glass in hand and my heart flutters in my throat.

"Is that true?" there is coldness to her voice that has this sobering effect on me.

"It's Rachel; she's always been so over dramatic." the air shifts as silence moves over the crowd and I feel you coming closer. I don't know what to do. "Greer-"

"No. No. Rachel wouldn't just say something like that. People don't just say shit like that to be over dramatic Santana." she takes a step closer, and I can see the anger, the pain pouring from her skin. Her brow furrowed like she's thinking, and my hand twitches with the urge to smooth it away. "It's simple Santana... is that true? Yes or no. Because I know you and... Just- is it true?"

This voice in my head is screaming no... But there's this suffocating ache in my chest that whispers yes.

"Santana?" you say it so easily, like it's always been on the tip of your tongue.

Whispered and worn as if you've said it a thousand times before. But there is this quiet sadness in the way you say it... that look in your eyes like dancing moonlight on clear blue water. I never meant to hurt you. Either of you.


End file.
